


Pathos

by AllennellA



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Porn, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllennellA/pseuds/AllennellA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pa·thos (n.): A quality, as of an experience or a work of art, that arouses feelings of pity, sympathy, tenderness, or sorrow.</p><p>No one ever had asked Itachi about how he would feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pathos

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting old one-shots for a while because it feels dumb just hoarding them on my computer when I know, as a reader, that I'd be grateful for any new addition. Underage warning is for the fact that Itachi is actually creepily young in canon. But hey if he's old enough to murder his entire family, I think he's old enough to engage in relationships. This one-shot is like all my guilty Itachi feelings in one. I have a headcanon in here that I don't really explain, which is that Kisame hates feeling uncivilized when he talks all gruff around Itachi so he adapts to using more formal speech around his partner. He'd fallen out of the habit when he went rogue but he's well versed in talking nice to his superiors, so it's no trouble for him, but sometimes he slips up and uses a more casual type of speech when he gets too emotional to notice.

No one ever had asked Itachi about _how he would feel_.

They asked, _is he strong enough? Can he handle this? Is he loyal?_

Never, _how would he feel?_

Sasuke was too young and too introverted to ask. He could not, did not, should never know.

Itachi knew he should not do this, but the one person he loved so much, the baby he'd raised in lieu of a father too bitter to understand that peaceful change was the best change and a mother consumed by grief that she could not express to anyone and would never recover from, that child he had raised he could not kill with his own hands.

But. Itachi knew that his family was going to die. And his baby would be no exception, if he could not stop it. He pleaded his baby brother's innocence, for fuck's sake he was barely seven, he did not know!

The easiest thing he could do was to do it himself. He could set everything up this way. He could protect his baby brother.

He wouldn't risk... He couldn't risk losing himself to grief and swearing revenge. He couldn't risk the curse of hatred.

And so.

Itachi grabbed his future with promises of blood, head spinning, and... his feelings were things that went without consideration.

* * *

Sasuke would have nightmares, Itachi thought in horror. Who would stroke down his hair and kiss his forehead?

He was so far away from Konohagakure. He could do nothing.

Itachi knew the nightmares would be horrible. They were also his own nightmares. He pulled at the black strands attached to his scalp, yanking until he felt pain. Pain, physical pain, it was safe. Nothing like the hole in his chest.

Akatsuki, Itachi thought, he had to find them and join them. They would keep him safe, and in return, he could discover their plans. He could continue to aid Konohagakure. If that place was safe, then... Sasuke would grow up in peace.

He never once thought that his baby brother was not worth his life. And he hated that he could do nothing but hope to let his brother kill him and gain a strength to protect himself, to make himself happy. If he had a driving goal, then he would not wallow in misery. He would not be driven to despair. Hatred was better than a depression no one would bother to save him from.

Itachi's head lolled on the tree trunk.

He wanted to hold Sasuke and cry. That's how he felt. Oh gods, that is all he wanted, to feel his baby brother in his arms and to apologize and cry and cry and cry until he got rid of the hole in his chest. Until he could look at his hands without seeing blood. Sasuke would never, ever let him be close again. It was impossible.

But that was how he felt.

* * *

The Akatsuki weren't easy to find and they all horrified Itachi when they found him. He'd been creeping around Amegakure in hopes to find their hideouts.

They were like he expected, yet not.

Itachi let himself remember that he was fourteen. A fourteen year old civilian was a child securely under their loving parents, barely trusted with anything more dangerous than chopping up vegetables for dinner. He was allowed to be scared.

He did respect all of them. They were deadly. But more than anything, he hated them all. They would hurt his brother--his village, and they wouldn't even think twice about it.

Konan was tolerable. Cruel, harsh, tolerable. Pein was elusive and confusing, but also tolerable.

The hunchback was Sasori. He was inside of a puppet and his real body-- that was a mystery. The man with all the stitches was Kakuzu. And... Orochimaru. Itachi knew of him.

Itachi had no idea when or where he'd meet his partner. All Akatsuki worked in partnerships, and now that he was given his ring, _vermillion_ , a thing he was told to wear on his ring finger like he had married himself into the position, he would be assigned his partner.

The entirety of the Akatsuki didn't actually meet up often. Itachi rubbed his forehead, exhausted and horribly human. He hadn't felt this human in a long time. He was tired of fighting.

* * *

His partner, much older than him, much much crueler, much more violent, was Kisame Hoshigaki.

Despite his fear, Itachi let nothing show. He was an ANBU captain, wasn't he?

Kisame Hoshigaki. The tailed beast with no tail. The one who had literally threatened him with death barely a few seconds into their relationship. Violence, in one person.

But, a shared history. A common past. An older, more mature member with, as expected, unbelievable fighting skills. Someone in the Akatsuki wanted him to be cared for.

A fourteen year old with a man ten years his senior.

Kisame had not been easy to digest, at first. His instincts told him to guard his back always, but despite the man's original warning, there had been no reason for fear.  Kisame would gain nothing from Itachi’s death.

Itachi lay back on his bedroll, knowing very well the danger he was in and the fear of the situation.

The fire flickered, and once again, his thoughts drifted to his brother. Was his baby okay? Was he eating enough? After the threats he had left with Danzo and the council, Sasuke had better be safe. Not a single hair on his head touched.

His baby, his baby. Did he do the right thing, leaving him like that? Is he doing the right thing, spying on the Akatsuki with a man very convinced that killing him is no difficult deed, a man who is not empty words, watching him?

"Sleep, child," Kisame said gruffly, leaning up on his arms to stare with his strange, shark-like eyes at Itachi.

Itachi didn't let himself jump. He had known his partner was still awake.

"I cannot. I..."

"Hear their screams, see their pleading eyes?"

Yes, _yes, yeS YES YES YES YESYES **YESMAKEITSTOPPLEASE**_ \---!

Itachi squeezed his eyes shut, "I do."

Rustling. He snapped his eyes open, sure that there would be a fight. After all, Kisame had probably done it all in cold blood, without a thought, without a tear shed.

Something must have shown on his face, because Kisame gave him a look, then sighed. The man lifted his blanket up, and Itachi stared in confusion.

An invitation to share his bed.

Blue lips pulled up into a sneer, "Don't get me wrong, kid. I'd kill you in a heartbeat. But I remember the feeling. You haven't accepted it. You will either dream nothing or dream of blood."

It was a strange offer but it was an honest one.  That was something Itachi was discovering about Kisame; he abhorred lying and he refused to live dishonestly.  This invitation had no hidden layers.

Itachi pulled his bedset over, "I'm going to put mine next to yours. So I don't roll over anywhere unfortunate. I warn you I probably will not sleep."

"Prissy kid," Kisame grinned with far too many teeth, but he let Itachi crawl up next to him, warmed by the suddenness of a beating heart and a heavy blanket, the heat of the fire at his feet.

Strong arms surrounded him and held him tight. Itachi let his head rest in the space between Kisame's neck and his shoulder.

He could feel it, under his skin. The rushing blood, the heat and fire of life.

"I won't stay up with you, child," his partner reminded him.

"I have a name," Itachi answered, his palm finding Kisame's heart.

"Itachi Uchiha, I will call you by your name when you gain my respect. A scared child, doing things too mature for his age, suddenly planning and tricking and lying all for some noble cause, I'm sure. All of the lies in the world. You love them, and I cannot respect that."

Itachi smiled, closing his eyes, "It's refreshing to feel how alive you are."

"And so I will stay, kid. Some honesty there, I see--I might respect you yet."

Kisame didn't stay up much longer. Unlike Itachi, the bloodstains were old. Very old. Ancient.

Itachi stayed up, warm in his partner's arms until dawn, feeling all his torn emotions settle themselves.

* * *

Itachi had seen the side glances he'd gotten from Orochimaru. The looks of desire that passed through him and saw what Itachi was sure was invisible in himself, it was all no coincidence.

Kisame was not protecting him from this man, Itachi decided. As much as his partner had taken to mother-henning about and making sure Itachi had his bearings straight, no sane man would challenge one of the three legendary sannin to save a mere child.

Itachi was scared. He allowed himself a couple minutes of terror, before settling his features back into a mask of indifference.

Kisame made no mention if he noticed.

The fight, because it had to come to a fight, had been a devastating win on Itachi's part. He would not, under any conditions, allow that dirty snake his body.

The mangekyou burned his eyes and he knew he had overtaxed himself.

Kisame had never treated him quite so much like a child. Blankets and soup were involved. Itachi had to let his partner carry him around and feed him while his vision was so blurred that he could not see anything in front of him.

It had taken two long days of babysitting for Itachi to be able to walk on his own. Defeating an enemy like Orochimaru was no easy task, and using the mangekyou like that... It only gave him more reason to feel weak.

Some of that irritation must have bleed through to Kisame, because the man sat him down a little more irritated than usual.

The fire cackled and yellow eyes met blurred black.

"Itachi," Kisame addressed him, voice gruff, "You're a child. Remember you are allowed to be weak."

"I am not allowed to be a child in this world," Itachi answered.

"You're allowed to be a child with me," his partner rebuked, "as I know that everyone has their own limitations. If I were weakened by an intense battle, would you let me lick my wounds?"

Itachi knew the answer.

He brushed his hair back out of his face, "That situation is highly unlikely."

"You were attacked by a comrade, which is all too common, but for you to win a battle we both knew you could very well lose, that is rare. You were not stronger than him. He purposely didn't want to hurt you, and so you ruthlessly didn't allow him anything."

Itachi watched him carefully, "You called me Itachi at the beginning of this conversation."

"I don’t need to belittle a man who's on his knees."

"You find me a man."

"I find you a person worthy of my respect."

Itachi smiled, "Am I?"

Kisame laughed at him, "Don't be smug, kid. You have earned your name from my lips, not more. You are still a child."

* * *

The occasional threats had ceased, the little reminders of how easily he could be killed, and somehow over the year they had worked together, Itachi had taken the leading role between the two. Kisame had seen how he fought and how he refused to kill unless necessary and how he held his head on straight and true without turning back, and somehow, the older man had decided this meant Itachi was worth something more. Worth breathing, living. Leading.

Itachi found that he liked the sudden closeness.

* * *

Even though they had only been together for two years, they respected each other fluidly and they were inseparable.

Itachi had never spent so much time in the constant presence of another. Even his baby, he had been forced to hand over his care to his mother who really did try her best, or the ninja academy, or even just a babysitting cousin. Anyone who could take him and care for him while Itachi grew up with the praise of a man he killed. While he had trained and advanced and knew, in his heart, the truth of the events. His baby brother had grown up restricted and always under the shadow of a genius older brother, which could not have been desirable. He'd tried everything...

But those years of care were interrupted often enough. Itachi was not there enough for Sasuke, and he had a chest full of horrible, stricken emotions.

Kisame had not left his side in their traveling, for those two years. He had never been outside of walking distance.

It had been easy to be with someone so often. Thoughtless. They did not fight with each other. They rarely had such a thing as an argument.

They had never been intimate, but despite either of their physiques, neither had they been intimate with any others. Itachi knew his frigidness had more to do with his dislike for his body. He had killed with these hands, he would not love with them.

Whatever Kisame's reasons, a twenty six year old man did not normally have no sex-drive. What's more, Itachi was sure that Kisame had a sex drive when he'd been younger. There had been this one kunoichi, most memorably, who had kissed Kisame full on the mouth before turning on him and leaving them both after a night where Itachi had been sure she'd been screaming.

That had been back towards the beginning of their partnership.

Now, as Itachi looked at the wall that separated him from Kisame, he let his hand wander.

His body was teenaged, full of hormones, and the image he'd gotten earlier today had not helped. After all, dark blue nipples on a chest sculpted out of marble, lines leading his eyes towards the hem of dark blue pants, a happy trail that Itachi had the worst desire to lick--he'd gotten quite the show.

Itachi grabbed his dick, stroking the tip languidly.

Kisame, he thought, and the images he'd seen, everything irritating his perfect routine, he wanted to purge it all out. He wanted no affection, he deserved none.

Itachi was completely silent when he came.

He would not be so weak again, he reserved, his head spinning.

* * *

It was hard to lie to himself after three years. He had a partner who would stick by him for the rest of his life, thick or thin, and they both knew it. They never addressed it. It was taboo, even, because Kisame knew about the stress his body was taking and how his vision was slowly deteriorating.

He knew about all the pills Itachi was taking in hopes to slow down his eventual and inevitable early death.

Itachi did not address that he was slowly dying. Kisame did not rush him anywhere. Itachi did not address why he had suddenly acquired a pair of glasses and had taken to wearing them outside of battle. Kisame looked a lot better when Itachi had his glasses on.

Was it wrong if he indulged?

Sasuke would want his eyes later, Itachi knew, and he hoped that he could keep himself in shape enough as to not die before then.

If things were going right, then Sasuke should be graduating from the academy soon.

Itachi rubbed his forehead. Was this the right thing to do? He felt like a failure, that his baby would be attending a graduation with no family. But this didn't mean that, at all. It meant he had succeeded in saving his village from civil war.

"You are troubled," Kisame said with a tone so lighthearted Itachi wondered why he bothered to speak.

Itachi regained his proper stature, "I am allowed to be troubled at troubling events. Things are shifting."

"Soon enough, Itachi, we will begin to hunt the bijuu. Surely you aren't too upset at the thought."

"I dislike killing. I'll start dreaming of blood once again."

"I will hold you again if you desire," Kisame said, not without cheek.

"I am seventeen, not fourteen."

"You are ten years my junior. Even when you are twenty seven, I will be thirty seven, and to me, you are always allowed to be a child."

Itachi smiled softly, "I would prefer to never have to be a child."

"You would prefer an existence that never fit you. Itachi, you are soft. You are too sensitive for this world and yet you struggle for your existence harder than anyone should."

"I value my life," Itachi intoned, as it serves a purpose in protecting those who matter most.

"You do not value your life. You value the lives of others. You live for others, so as to make your life worth value," Kisame reached over, touched his cheek with a laid out palm.

Itachi closed his eyes.

"I value my life when it is valuable to others. I'm sure you understand."

"You are far too much a shinobi and far too little a human. I shall not call you a child again if that is your desire."

"But you will," Itachi told him, "because I am always allowed to be a child with you. And I do wish to be a child sometimes; when my own strength is augmented by yours, and you accept my orders without a thought, with all the trust in the world, that which you should trust no child with."

"I follow because you lead. And I will follow you until you give no more orders. No child could do as you have done."

"Yet I am," Itachi closed his eyes, "I do not want to lead you astray."

"I will not follow a path I do not agree with. I know of your lies and your agenda. I hate those, but I understand them. You are being true to your way, which is what I respect most."

"You do not have to listen to my folly."

"You give out your gold disguised as pyrite. I am a rich man living in your folly."

It was right about then, when Itachi was leaning in too close and Kisame's thumb, larger than Itachi's by far and much warmer than his chilled skin, had brushed the tender black downy attempting to be sideburns back behind his ear. Itachi stared up and knew that he had not chosen a partner who would be attractive by any standards. His eyes held nothing human and his teeth were as sharp as kunai. Besides that, his face was gruff and held age lines too soon for the years that he had experienced. The blue skin and gills did nothing to make him look inviting.

It was beauty and the beast, except that a kiss would not change the fact that they both were drenched in blood.

They were silent for a moment. Itachi found invitation in yellow eyes and he wondered what Kisame found in his. The younger's eyes wandered, close enough to see everything perfectly without his glasses. Like, for instance, Kisame's gills were shut tight, looking as if they were tattoos, but Itachi had seen them flutter in the middle of battle, taking in breaths of water instead of air. Would they flutter if he licked them?

"Those are planning eyes," Kisame chuckled, not moving an inch. He was waiting to see if Itachi would accept his invitation.

A large portion of his brain told him not to dare, but a small, soft, safe portion told him that Kisame would be less likely to hurt him than his own baby brother. It was safe.

And even though he had sworn never to love anyone with these hands who had killed, he could allow himself this weakness. Because bonds were not a weakness. A bond was a strength.

Itachi kissed him.

It was soft, simple, closed off and distant, made to be a compromise.

If he had not grown as a person, then he knew exactly how to answer this affection. He'd say he was not going to crawl into his arms. Not easily. Itachi could resist Kisame until the older man chased after him. That after all was the modus operandi for Uchiha attractions. Deny everything until near death, then let your partner waste years trying to pin you down. Be elusive and prideful and never show your true feelings. That was, indeed, the short version of his parents' own courting.

Itachi had killed off the Uchihas; he was not truly one of them. He was going to make his own decisions.

He gripped Kisame's face and kissed him again.

"Feisty," Kisame remarked, running a large hand down Itachi's spine.

"Never been called that before," Itachi smiled, leaning forward again. If he was lucky then Kisame would initiate the next kiss and he would hopefully stop feeling so ridiculous. He didn't know how to kiss properly. He knew less about anything further. He needed guidance.

Kisame stroked his partner's jugular, smiling, leaning back, "Do you need help, Itachi?"

Itachi frowned, "Don't expect me to tell you my weaknesses."

Kisame raised blue eyebrows and rested quite comfortably underneath Itachi, who'd started straddling him at one point, "You will find me willing if you ask."

"You will find me a terrible enemy." Itachi remarked, moving as to get up from his spot in Kisame's lap.

"If this is a clash of wills, I will lose. Come, Itachi. You have something I want, I have something you want. Let us trade."

Itachi let his guard down, settling back where he had been previously, "Teach me, Kisame."

Kisame's eyes flashed with some emotion Itachi had yet to identify. It was not anger or sorrow or joy. Remembering then the one woman, Itachi thought, lust.

Lust, for him? He was tiny in comparison. Womanish. In the best light, he looked androgynous and less hermaphroditic. He was almost afraid that Kisame really did assume he was a woman. Although, they had been together long enough that he was sure they'd both seen it all.

Itachi's thoughts could not continue at their proper pace as two calloused hands cupped his ass, fingers sliding down in the crevice between, layers of fabric suddenly very much in the way. Kisame pulled him closer by his thighs, letting Itachi lean forward as much as he liked. And he liked.

A slow lazy roll of their hips together burned a fire of pleasure right up Itachi's spine and he could feel it in his hardening nipples and how his body quaked. Suddenly everything was hot and every little sensation was magnified.

Kisame grunted, his hands tugging Itachi into a better position for kissing and rutting, manhandling his body until he got it where he wanted. For some reason, the thought of the older man bossing him around made him shiver, let him find the bravery to kiss his newly found lover with his tongue plunging into the man's mouth. Everything felt strange under tongue, teeth suddenly new and curious things, gums and cheek foreign wonders. Just like their battles, Kisame let Itachi decide the pace.

Itachi decided it was all too slow for his liking. He forwent another kiss in favor of grinding down in Kisame's lap.

"More," he begged, panting as their dicks rubbed between layers of fabric.

Itachi yanked down his pants to his knees, wiggling for more contact. Kisame raked his eyes over peach pale skin, littered with tiny nicks and scars from shinobi life. Nothing, Itachi thought, was nearly as nice as the feel of Kisame's hot, hard abs under his fingers as he pulled at the offending fabric of his partner's shirt.

For having lost their cloaks, they were wearing far _far **far**_ too much clothing.

Any stray thought got lost in the kissing that followed, when Itachi felt his sensitized length grabbed, stroked with a sinfully tight grip. He could barely breathe, chest heaving as his whole world turned into the man underneath him.

His entire body started to clench in anticipation as a thumb stroked his slit and smeared precum down his cock. He was going to orgasm, violently, and Itachi could only squish his eyes closed and hope somehow that Kisame would notice before he spent himself, because it felt like none of his muscles were even listening to his brain.

With one more pump of enlarged flesh, Kisame caught his scream with a deep kiss, quieting him as he came, hard, seeing stars behind his closed eyes.

"You're such a virgin," his partner chuckled against his neck, pulling back the long black strands that had somehow gotten loose as Itachi panted against a hard, blue-tinted shoulder, completely spent.

He couldn't find it in himself to glare. His entire body was glowing and he felt boneless and relaxed and horribly snuggly.

Kisame had, at some point, let go of Itachi's penis, and moved on to stroking himself to completion, while Itachi regained functioning motor skills.

Kisame took his own orgasm in stride; Itachi could tell by the tightening muscles underneath him and how his partner's breath caught. He was only a little disappointed by how he hadn't been the one to take the man over the edge. Itachi just took the pleasure offered to him without regard for making Kisame feel just as good.

Kisame couldn't read his mind but he must've seen something on Itachi's face because he pulled him in for another kiss.

"Next time, my partner," he growled right in Itachi's ear.

* * *

His orders became not only second nature but things that showed the absolute trust between them. Kisame let him lead on the battlefield. Sometimes his partner would poke at him and jibe that he would do otherwise, but even the teasing was only lighthearted. There was no question. Kisame would follow Itachi, even if it looked like he was leading him to his death.

Itachi would never, but he knew that it sometimes looked so.

This was a time in which it looked very much so.

Going into the belly of the beast? To hunt down a bijuu they weren't even after yet? It all looked horribly foolish.

It looked like he was purposely slaughtering himself and Kisame for no reason.

Itachi didn't need to say that he was going to give Danzo and the rest of Konoha a strict warning that even though the 3rd Hokage had passed, he had not. Sasuke must remain safe.

Itachi knew it was a gamble. Kisame was not stupid. He was going to see through the deception.

He did not ask, however. He must've seen it. He had fussed enough.

He was still fussing, even on the battle field. _Don't use your mangekyou, Itachi, you'll just ruin your vision more, don't overdo it, was that grey-haired man worth it?_

The most fussing however was after Itachi had frozen his heart and hurt ( _hurthuRT **HURTBAD**_ ) his baby, had to lie through his teeth, was all too good at lying through his teeth.

"You love that brat," Kisame said, without mercy.

"There has never been a question in my mind as to how much I love my baby brother," Itachi replied, resting his head into that nice spot underneath the shoulder and towards the chest but not quite either, Kisame a steady presence and welcome to his burning eyes and body.

"You didn't kill them all, you spared him. You disobeyed orders," Kisame chided.

"I bargained for his life. A child would not be a danger to the village," Itachi said, not without spite, "I was able to spare him on the terms that I would be the one to slaughter my kin. I returned here purely to remind the new powers that be that I am still alive and very much still protecting him."

"So you pummel the shit out of him. Tsukuyomi on the boy? That's merciless," Kisame seemed more upset that he had sacrificed his vision so much than that he had hurt his baby brother. In Itachi's mind, that was good enough. He was already fussing over how badly the situation went, how far out of control it had gotten. If Kisame wanted to fuss over him instead, then he was just doing what Itachi wasn't.

Taking a deep breath, the raven haired teenager explained, "I can't let him become ashamed of his heritage. I can't let him become swallowed by despair. Hate for me will fuel him to gain the strength he needs to protect himself from the evils that be, the evils that wait to destroy him."

"You are entirely too selfless, Itachi. What will come to pass if I must lose you to your whims?" Kisame's fingers trailed down his cheek, stopping to squeeze at his jugular for a brief, heart stopping second that had Itachi wondering if his partner was going to kill him for betraying the Akatsuki.

"You will certainly survive," He swallowed, sliding his eyes closed and enjoying the world of sound.

A deep, throaty, rumbling voice that burned along his spin. "I would not enjoy it."

"I thought killing me would be simple," he taunted, without the usual spite.

"I would go so far as to say that I have never found killing a companion easy." Quietly, softly, like a feather made of lead.

"Yet you did."

"I had my orders. I was too entrenched in a lie that I did not comprehend. The future promised to me involves no lies. I will work for that future."

Itachi whispered, "I wish to be a child. Hold me."

"Anything you wish, kid."

Arms, thick as tree trunks, warm and sturdy, smelling of sea and salt, trapped him against a barrel chest. Itachi did not protest or thank Kisame. That would come later. Right now was the time to find his inner peace and relish the sickening love he had nourished for his partner. Right now, he could shut his dying eyes, and pretend he believed in a better future.

No one ever asked Itachi _how he would feel_.

Even if he had been asked, he probably wouldn't have answered honestly.


End file.
